How to Deal with an Aggressive Person: A Step-by-Step Guide to Staying Calm and in Control

Aggression in the workplace hits fast. One moment it’s a simple request, and the next you’re suddenly trying to deal with an aggressive person who’s raising their voice and stepping too close for comfort. It’s never pleasant, and it can throw even the calmest person off balance.

But here’s the good news, handling aggression isn’t about being tough or having magical people skills. It’s about knowing what to do in the moment. When you respond well, things settle quicker, people feel safer and the whole team gets on with their day instead of replaying the incident in their heads.

This guide gives you practical, everyday steps you can use right away. And if your workplace keeps running into tough behaviour, our Dealing with Difficult People Training can give you just that extra confidence and know-how.

Understanding Aggressive Behaviour

Why Do People Become Aggressive?

Aggression usually starts long before the outburst. Someone might feel brushed off, stressed, confused about a process, or convinced no one is taking them seriously. Add the perfect combination of pressure and bad news and that frustration comes out sideways.

Some people shout. Others mutter sarcastic comments. Some stare you down or stand in your space. It all comes from the same place: someone feeling pushed past their limit.

Knowing this won’t excuse the behaviour, but it does help you respond in a way that settles things instead of fuelling the fire.

The Impact of Aggression in the Workplace

Aggression doesn’t just hit one person. It changes the whole room. Staff lose focus, productivity dips and the atmosphere gets heavy. If it keeps happening, people start avoiding certain customers or tasks, and confidence takes a hit.

Safe Work Australia notes that aggression significantly contributes to higher stress claims and time off work. So, it’s not something to brush aside. Addressing it early protects your people and keeps the culture steady.

Step-by-Step Guide: How to Deal with an Aggressive Person

Alright, let’s get into the part that really helps: what to do.

Step 1. Stay Calm and Maintain Control

When someone fires up, your body wants to fire up too. But this is your moment to slow everything down.

Take a breath. Drop your shoulders. Keep your tone steady. No eye rolling, no biting back, no matching their volume. Think of it like being the “reset” button in the room. If you stay calm, you give the other person something to match.

And if they don’t calm down straight away, that’s fine. You’ve still stopped things from escalating and keeping yourself in check.

Step 2. Assess the Situation and Ensure Safety

Now that you’ve steadied yourself, check the space around you.

Are they standing too close? Is there an exit behind you? Does their body language look like it could escalate? Is there someone nearby who looks uneasy?

If anything feels off, create a bit of space. Step slightly to the side, move closer to a doorway or call a colleague over. Safety first, always.

Importantly, avoid shouting back or touching the person. Even a friendly pat on the arm can set someone off when they’re already on edge.

Step 3. Listen Actively Without Interrupting

Once things feel a bit safer, let them speak. People often get louder when they feel ignored.

Active listening sounds simple, but it works. Even small gestures like letting them finish or prompts such as “I hear you” can go a long way.

Then reflect back the key point:

Customer: “I’ve called three times and no one has done anything.” Staff: “You’ve tried a few times to fix this and it feels like nothing has moved.”

It shows you’re actually hearing them, not just waiting for your turn to talk.

If you’d like to build this kind of active listening into everyday conversation, this is exactly what we cover in our Effective Communication Training course.

Step 4. Acknowledge Feelings, Not Behaviour

Now that you’ve listened, it’s time to show you understand what they’re feeling – without approving the behaviour. When you deal with an aggressive person, this step is powerful because being acknowledged helps them feel seen, which often takes some of the heat out.

You’re not saying, “It’s okay to yell.” You’re saying, “I can hear that you’re upset.”

Try simple phrases like:

• “I can understand that you’re frustrated about this.”
• “I get that this situation has been stressful for you.”

What you’re doing here is separating the person from the behaviour. Their feelings? Valid. The aggression? Not acceptable. When you deal with an aggressive person this way, they often feel more understood – and that usually makes them more open to the next step.

Step 5. Set Clear Boundaries

Alright. You’ve stayed calm, you’ve listened and you’ve acknowledged the emotion. Now it’s time for boundaries. This is where slowly but surely steer the interaction back into safe territory.

Keep it respectful but clear, for example:

• “I want to help, but I can’t do that while you’re shouting.”
• “I’m happy to go through this with you. I’m not okay with being sworn at.”

You’re not playing power games. You’re setting the rules for a productive conversation. Most people adjust once they realise the behaviour is getting in the way of the outcome they want. Check out our De-Escalating Conflict Techniques course to see the difference it makes.

Step 6. Offer Solutions or Take a Break

Once boundaries are set, you can start moving the conversation somewhere useful. This is where you shift from “problem” to “next step”.

You might say:

• “Let’s look at what we can fix right now.”
• “Here’s what we can do today, and here’s what might take a bit longer.”

If they’re still too fired up to focus, don’t force it. Offer a pause:

• “I think we both need a quick break. How about we come back to this in 10 minutes?”
• “Let’s pick this up later today when things have settled.”

You’re not abandoning the issue. You’re giving it the best chance of being solved properly.

Step 7. Follow Up After the Incident

Once things have calmed down and the person has moved on, take a moment to regroup, and then document what happened. Keep it factual:

• What was said
• What was done
• Who was nearby
• What action you took

If there were threats, repeated behaviour or anything physical, speak to a supervisor, HR or the appropriate manager. Check your workplace policies so that you follow the right procedures.

And don’t forget the human side. Check in with colleagues who witnessed the incident. When you deal with an aggressive person, it matters that others feel supported – it helps repair the team atmosphere and shows you’re someone who moves forward, not someone who holds the team back.

After all, the most successful leaders originate not from position but through experience. If you’re interested in developing your own career or strengthening your personal leadership skills, take a look at our range of Leadership Management Training courses.

When to Seek Professional Help when dealing with an aggressive person

Some situations go beyond everyday conflict. When you deal with an aggressive person who becomes repeatedly abusive, refuses to change their behaviour, or creates a genuine safety risk, it may be time to bring in external help.

Professional development programs can give staff a shared skill set. They build confidence to create consistent responses across the organisation. They often say that if you want something done right, you need to do it yourself.

However. When everyone knows what to do, not just you, the team feels stronger and more connected, and you feel like you’re not doing all the heavy lifting.

If you’d like more support in this space, consider programs such as:

• Having Critical Conversations
• Emotional Intelligence Training
• Bullying Training Course – Removing Workplace Bullies

These workshops give you the tools to handle tough behaviour with skill rather than stress.

Key Takeaways

• Aggression usually comes from built-up frustration, thus it’s important to notice and manage these signs early
• Staying calm helps stop the situation from escalating
• Listen, acknowledge emotions, and set boundaries clearly
• Seek help if aggression becomes repeated or unsafe
• Be the one in control

Need to equip your team with the skills to manage aggression and conflict effectively? Explore our Dealing with Aggressive People Training course today!